it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
