I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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