my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
