May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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