Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
