so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I want her autograph on my taint
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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