Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
