Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize