so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
