Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
