he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
3 2 1 whiskey
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
