I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
