i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
