You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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