dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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