I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
