maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
