Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
