Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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