Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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