Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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