It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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