Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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