I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
