i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
