i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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