I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
