yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
