she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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