Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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