we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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