Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
