Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
