When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
