Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
