I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
