We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
