So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
