make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
