It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
