New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
