But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize