then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You are a genius and a whore.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize