her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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