why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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