She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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