And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
