either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
