Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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