shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I need moral support for this bender
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
