I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize