I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
