Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
