I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
