You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I got inside last night via doggy door
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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