I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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