At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
