Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
