I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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