I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
