Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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