My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
