she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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