You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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