Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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